Dad

I am struggling with the loss of Dad.  I am not angry with God.  I believe Dad would have wanted to go the way he did.  Quickly.  I struggle as one left behind.   I feel confident we will meet again someday and yet I feel a gap in my life without him.  He was the head of our family in a way that most family don't seem to function in this day and age. 

Mom as our Megan Grace puts it seems broken.  She does not sob all the time or cease to do the things that need to be done; she is taking one day at a time like the rest of us. She is a very strong woman.  It is one of the reasons he loved her so much.   I think she is doing as well as one can when the love of their life has left the earth unexpectedly.   She gets up and does what needs to be done, but the loss of him next to her is ever present. 

All the family seems to be suffering from stomach pain and intestinal issues.  A physical response to a big psychological issue.  Beyond that we all react differently.   Some are more talkative and need to express their thoughts to all who will listen, and others are more withdrawn. 

I will be honest, I marveled at how one of my sisters never seemed to stop talking.  It didn't anger me although I did wish she could just  be quiet for a time.  I never bothered to express it because I knew it was her way of coping.  She needed to fill the quietness. 

I am a combination.  Sometimes I talk, sometimes I withdraw.  I was quieter during the preparations than I would have ever thought myself capable.  It was because so much of it was unimportant to me.  There were things that were important to Mom, and my sister.........I just listened and said, "that's fine."  Why shouldn't they do as they please?  It wasn't the important stuff for me. 

The important portion of his service to me was when I spoke about him.  I needed people to know how cool he was,  how much he really LOVED her, and how he loved to sit at the head of one big table with all of his descendants and bask in the glory of us.   Like God surveying light, land and plants "And God saw that it was good."  In all of us Dad saw greatness.